Of COURSE Anni was at the bar before Arik got there. She might as well rent an office space in one of the private booths. She already dressed like an executive - straight black pants, baggy shirt and tie she “borrowed” from her husband, a cigarette that she held out for her blonde female companion to light. Arik was early, so he hid in a darkened corner and watched his sister and her new “friend.”
Anni said something to the woman that made her cover her smile. Smoke trailed up to the lamp hanging above their table as the ash fell onto the toe of Anni’s shiny black heels. Her blonde companion pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the ash away. She was about to empty the contents into the ashtray on the table when Anni said something in her ear, prompting the woman to look around before pressing the fabric against her mouth and licking off the ash. Like Arik, Anni liked to have a theatrical aura. Unlike Arik, she limited hers to an audience of one or two trusted companions. She would never have asked for this service if she knew anyone was watching her. Maybe Arik should join in on the fun.
“Your papers, ladies.” Arik said loudly. Both jumped, making Arik laugh mischievously.
“You brat! You’re early!” Anni gasped, then laughed as well. Her female companion stared at Arik like a deer in the headlights.
“I thought you might be lonely.” Arik said with a grin. He sat down in an empty chair next to Anni.
“Arik, this is Eduard’s new secretary, Stasia.” Anni said. “Stasia, this is my little brother, Arik. We see a movie together every other week. He meets me here beforehand.”
“Hello,” Stasia said in a thick Polish accent. She shifted in her seat as she looked between the siblings. The family resemblance was strong - they had the same oval face, the same downturned nose, the same protruding round eyes. Maybe Stasia would focus on the ways they differed - Anni’s hair was a darker shade of blonde, Arik’s green eyes were lighter. Then again, could you even tell those subtleties if they leaned away from the light above their table?
“What are we seeing tonight?” Arik asked Anni.
“Der Favorit der Kaiserin.”
“That’s the one about the Russian empress?”
“Yes.”
“How fun, I love historical movies. People looked better in the past. I wish everyone dressed like that.”
Anni raised an eyebrow.
“C’mon, you don’t see it?” Arik asked. “All those men in their tight uniforms and tassels? The women in their big skirts? I know you like a nice skirt.”
“To look at? Yes. To wear? No.” Anni held her cigarette carefully, as if she was trying to keep the ash from falling. “You couldn’t pay me enough to put on one of those big dresses.”
“Why would you have to wear a dress? You could wear one of those army uniforms with all the buttons.”
“If they let people choose, everyone would choose to wear army uniforms. Would YOU wear a hoop skirt?” Anni asked incredulously.
“Why not?” Arik said. “Everything’s more romantic when you’re dressed nicely.”
Anni smiled slightly.
“Don’t you think I’d look good in Princess Elizabeth Charlotte’s dress?” Arik acted effeminate.
“You’d be right at home in the French court.” Anni said with a chuckle.
“Have you seen Liselotte von der Pfalz?” Arik asked Stasia.
“No.” Stasia said.
“It’s a light little film, the actors are brilliant and the costumes are to die for, but the plot is nothing special.” Arik turned to look at Anni.
“No one sees a film like that because they want a deep story.” Anni said.
“No, I guess not.” Arik turned to Stasia. “Why don’t you come with us?” He asked her.
“No, I don’t want to bother you.” Stasia said quickly.
“You wouldn’t be bothering us.” Arik looked between the two women. “Films are always better with more people, don’t you think so, Anni?”
Anni blew smoke up towards the lamp, but otherwise didn’t react.
“Besides, Anni always needs an ashtray-”
“Where’s your drink?” Anni asked, cutting off Arik abruptly.
“Uh-“
“Get yourself a drink and come back.” Anni gestured away from them. “Get me another drink while you’re at it, Klaus knows my order. Tell him to put it on the Becker tab.” She handed him her empty glass.
“Don’t let Anni ruin her shoes again.” Arik called back as he sauntered over to the bar.
Arik didn’t need to say anything. The bartender called Klaus took one look at him and instantly knew what to get and what tab to use. Arik considered buying something expensive before shaking his head and ordering a beer. By the time he got back, Stasia was gone.
“She isn’t coming with us?” Arik asked as he took her seat.
“She had to go home.” Anni said as she puffed on her cigarette. “Stasia doesn’t like crowds.”
“What a shame. I never get to meet your women.”
Anni handed him her cigarette case and lighter.
“I like to be careful.” Anni said.
“What will you do if she tells your husband?” Arik lit his cigarette and handed the lighter and case back.
“She won’t.” Anni said. “Anyway, who are YOU to warn me about being careful?”
“I would NEVER warn you about being careful.” He laughed.
Anni stubbed out the butt of her cigarette and lit another.
“YOU should be more careful, little brother.” She said.
“No one’s bothered me so far.”
“No? Agnes hasn’t written to you?”
“She has, but it doesn’t bother me.” Arik grinned cheekily. Anni smiled.
“The last time she and I met for dinner, I had to listen to her complain about what she thought you were doing in Berlin.” Anni said.
“Agnes thinks too much about my dick.” Arik rolled his eyes and took a long swig from his bottle. Smoke billowed from Anni’s mouth as she laughed.
“Did you tell her what I was doing?” Arik asked.
“I said you were too busy with school to find a wife.”
Arik sighed.
“You should have told her I was the lap dog of an old German shiksa.” He said.
“YOU can tell her that.” Anni chuckled.
Arik grinned.
“Don’t tell her that.” Anni said quickly.
“I know.” Arik said.
Of course Anni would say that. She relished the drama of other people, but loathed being the center of attention. It wasn’t as if she had a clean record. Far from it. Anni wanted people to see her as a passive observer to the drama that happened near her. It had always been the same, even when they were children – both would get into trouble, but while Arik openly admitted to what he’d done, Anni shut her mouth and refused to speak until the attention had passed. Arik would be punished, Anni would lecture him for getting into trouble before encouraging him to do it again. Now they were older and her tactics had changed – she went from loudly encouraging Arik to loudly warning him, while still quietly encouraging (or at least inquiring about) his controversial activities.
“So, you’re still meeting the priest.” Anni asked.
“Yes, why wouldn’t I?” Arik puffed on his cigarette.
Anni shrugged. “I thought you would have found someone else. A more dangerous man. Germany is filled with dangerous men.”
Arik mulled it over. Yes, his past was a long string of men who should have said no – married men, a foreign soldier without a leg, his history teacher with a sketchy past. The last one caused the most damage – he’d brought Mr. Müller to Seder, in the same way Agnes’s fiancée was introduced to them the year before. A bomb would have caused less damage than Arik did that year. It was one of the few times his father shouted at him and the only time his father ever beat him. Anni knew this – she watched from the window the entire time. As if she hadn’t joked with Arik the day before about him marrying Mr. Müller. Maybe this was the event that made Anni change.
What made Arik change? He slept with men before that Seder and he kept sleeping with them afterwards. Some of the men were even more dangerous – a police officer, a drug dealer, a poet. Many fell away or only stuck around for a night or two. Not Benedikt. The need to keep their love secret (for now) required a routine. From that routine came stability. From that stability came devotion. When was the last time Arik slept with a man who wasn’t Benedikt?
“I can’t think of anyone more dangerous that I’d want to sleep with.” Arik said at last. He tapped the ash into the tray on the table. “I have something to study and someone I know I’ll always see. I like that stability. No wonder men want wives.”
Anni nodded sagely.
“Stability is good.” She said.
“If I’m with the priest forever, will you miss the drama?” Arik teased.
“I’m sure you’ll find someone worse soon.” Anni said as she finished off her drink. “Excuse me.” She stood up and walked to the bar with her empty glass.
Arik turned the beer over in his hand as he watched the light wrap around the curves in the glass bottle. No, he wouldn’t find anyone else. He could but he was CHOOSING to stay. So much different than how he’d acted a year ago! Or even two years ago! Yet again, he changed without anyone noticing.
“I brought you another beer.” Anni said as she came up behind Arik. Now it was his turn to jump.
“I haven’t finished mine.” He said. Anni’s arm reached over his shoulder and placed the new beer on the table next to the old one.
“You have time to finish both.” Anni said. She took a sip from her drink.
“I don’t drink as much nowadays.” Arik mused.
“Just wait. Once you’re free from your priest, you’ll find plenty of men who want to buy you a drink.”
“Probably.” Arik took a sip. “I like knowing he’ll bring me a beer every Wednesday too much to leave him.”
Anni sighed and lit another cigarette.
“Do you really expect your priest to stay with you?” She asked.
“Why not?”
“Christian priests don’t marry.”
“Some do.” Arik retorted. “I read that there’s a priest at St. Mary’s Church who has a wife and kids. Lots of Christians marry.”
“Christian priests don’t openly marry men.”
“It doesn’t have to be marriage. I want that stability married couples have. Someone stays home and takes care of the house, someone goes out and makes money, they have dinner together every night.”
“Even if your priest could get married, you wouldn’t want that.” Anni said. “You only want men you can’t have. The moment that priest is all yours, you’re going to want something new.”
“You don’t know what I want now.” Arik snapped. He was suddenly very aware of how empty the bar was – no one came in while they were talking, no one was sitting at the tables around them, even the bartender had stepped away. The light above them seemed so much brighter than the rest of the bar and now that Anni had leaned back into the shadows of the booth, Arik was the only one being illuminated. He felt as if he was on trial without understanding the charges against him.
“Of course I know.” Anni said. “People like us-”
“If you wanted what I want, you wouldn’t be cuckolding Eduard all the time.” Arik snarled, crushing out his cigarette so hard that the table shook.
Anger and hurt flashed across Anni’s face. She too crushed her cigarette in the ashtray in front of them. Arik had gone too far, and he knew it. He looked down at his bottle.
“I’m sorry.” He said.
“It’s not any easier for me, you know.” Anni murmured.
“It’s not fair.”
“Nothing in life is fair.”
“You should get to be proud of being with Stasia. If you want that. I want… I want things to be better for you too.”
Arik looked away, into the shadows of the bar around them. He felt Anni’s fingertips on his chin.
“You’re brave.” Anni said, moving Arik’s face towards hers. She smiled sadly. “You’ve always been brave. Not everyone can be like you. Don’t forget that.”
Arik smiled back. He expected her to call him foolish or even stupid. Brave… Anni was more honest without a large audience. He could trust her answer. Maybe Anni wasn’t so easy to predict.
“I’m sorry I got mad.” He said.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you about your priest.”
The tension broke. Both siblings sat together, quietly sipping their drinks. The light felt less oppressive, the emptiness of the bar more welcoming. In a better world, everywhere would be this welcoming.
“Y’know,” Arik said, “if we leave now, we could stop by Weber’s for pretzels. It’s still open now, yeah? I can pay.”
Anni checked her watch, then downed her drink quickly, causing her to choke. Ah yes, Arik knew her well – Anni couldn’t resist fried dough of any sort. Some of her tastes hadn’t changed since they were children.
“I’m so glad you came early.” She said once she’d stopped coughing. She picked up her coat – an oversized blazer, also from her husband – and held it out to Arik.
“I can sneak the bottle in here if you’ll hide the pretzels.” Anni said.
Arik smiled. He handed her the second beer before finishing his first.
- - - - - - -
“Why did you marry Eduard?” Arik asked as they walked towards the cinema. He held the pretzels close – a few blocks before they reached the cinema, he shoved the bag inside his peacoat and adjusted it to look flatter. It might be harder for him to pull it off, with his slim, rectangular form.
“Eduard’s a good friend.” Anni shrugged. “If I have to get married, I’d rather have him be the one waiting for me at home.”
“Did you have to get married?”
“It’s safer to be a married woman.”
Arik nodded. He felt the overwhelming urge to say something catty, bringing up Anni’s predilection for married women, but he swallowed it down. The two walked quietly through the cool spring evening. The ground was lightly damp, the signs of a rain shower that ended before they left the bar. Lamplights flickered on as they passed, casting shadows on everyone who passed underneath them. It was better to focus on the lit path, not the empty storefronts or the Aryanized businesses. Arik glanced across the street and saw a young man in a Hitler Youth uniform pasting a propaganda poster on a wall near the intersection. Their eyes met and Arik turned away. So much for being brave. The theater’s lit marquee grew closer and closer, the bulbs guiding them safely to their destination.
Despite its name, the New Berlin Theater had not changed much since Anni and Arik were young. Dieter, the owner, sat in the ticket booth. He was an older man, thin, with a thick mustache and missing teeth that he displayed whenever he saw people he recognized. A common occurrence – Dieter had an elephant-like memory for faces and names.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Zigman’s.” He said with a grin. “I thought I would see you this month.”
“Are we that predictable?” Anni asked.
“You two have been coming here since you were three cheeses high. Of course I know what you like.” Dieter grinned, showing off his few remaining teeth.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t ol’ Dieter.” Arik said cheekily. “You got stuck at the ticket booth tonight?”
“Lara didn’t show up and Heini had a meeting. I’m the one on display tonight.” Dieter gestured dramatically, as if he were a silent film star.
“Two tickets, Dieter.” Anni said.
“You two will love this one.” Dieter said as he handed them their tickets. “I saw it just this morning. Absolutely beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank YOU.” Dieter grinned again. “Hey, why not buy your tickets for next month? I’ll be playing Die klugen Frauen again.”
The two siblings glanced at each other. Yes, Dieter remembered names and faces. Unfortunately, he was terrible at remembering other peoples’s taste in films. Even when they were young, he would recommend films and performances inappropriate for them. At first they forgave Dieter because he was too busy to think through what he suggested. Then they forgave him because he was older. Nowadays, they forgave him because they could not get angry at a man who always spoke kindly. What excuse could the Zigman children come up with next?
“Nah.” Arik said. “We already saw it.”
“See it again! You two come back for repeat showings all the time. It’s just the kind of thing you two LOVE.”
Anni looked uncomfortable.
“If I’m going to see a movie a second time, it needs to have something worth contemplating.” Arik said.
“Is that why you saw Der Kongreß tanzt four times?” Dieter teased him.
“Yes. Much better things to contemplate in that movie.”
“There’s no arguing over taste.” Dieter sighed. “You kids enjoy yourselves.” He waved as the two stepped inside.
- - - - - - -
“Thanks.” Anni said once they were sitting in the theater.
“Why are you thanking me? That movie was terrible.” Arik said. “Neither of us like that pastoral fascist bullshit.”
They sat near the back, in an area where the ushers wouldn’t see them well. Long drapes hung on the walls of the theater, all different textures but nearly the same shade of dark burgundy. Only a few people were here; many would arrive late to avoid the opening news reel.
“Hopefully this movie is better.” Anni said, pulling out the beer bottle. She handed it to Arik, who took a sip and handed it back to her.
“If nothing else, it has Olga in it and she’s a delightful actress.” Arik said. “She really embodies royalty.”
He opened his coat and pulled out the pretzels. Anni took hers and started eating immediately, just as Arik expected. She preferred wolfing down her food right before the film started, while Arik liked to wait until after the film began.
“I forgot to bring you my copies of Filmwelt.” Anni said.
“You don’t need to give them to me.” Arik took the beer bottle and had a sip.
“I don’t read anything more than once. You read things over and over again.” Anni said as she plucked off a chunk of salt and popped it in her mouth. “You’ll enjoy them much longer than I will.”
Arik smiled.
“You know me so well.” He said.
Anni turned and smiled back at him, just as the lights fell and covered them in darkness.
- - -
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My thoughts on writing this piece and Arik Zigman in general can be found here: https://idal-waves.dreamwidth.org/2663.html